Every Day Is a School Day

When we were young, there was a distinction between days for learning (weekdays) and days for fun (weekends). No longer. If you want to get ahead in your career, you must take the approach that every day is a school day. In other words, there’s no room for Sunday slackers when it comes to your career. You must stay on your toes and in learning mode 24/7 if you want to stand out and move up.

It’s not just a commitment to continual learning that counts when it comes to treating every day as a school day. It also means to bring your best game to the table every time you walk through the doors of your office. You’ve seen co-workers who don’t do this—in fact, many people don’t do it, which gives you a much better chance at standing out to senior management when you do.

Why Keep Learning?

You already know what you need to know to get your job done passably and get by. So if it’s more work to keep the pressure on yourself to keep learning more, why do it? The short answer is, because it’s good for your brain and its ability to generate more neurons. The scientific community used to believe that we were born with a set number of brain cells. Research over the past 20 years has disproven that theory. The Society for Neuroscience reports that new brain cells continue to be created even once we’re adults.

The latest research suggests a correlation between learning and new neurons surviving in the region of the brain involved in learning and memory. In animal studies, researchers have shown that cells born before an animal’s learning experience were more likely to survive to become neurons—but only if the animals actually learned. The increase in neuron generation occurred with tasks that required significant effort to learn them. In other words, it’s smart to keep your thinking cap on.

Another reason to keep learning is that it’s good for your career. Treating every day as a school day is what separates star performers from average employees. It’s the attitude edge that can give you an advantage in everything that happens to you at work, from receiving a key assignment to earning a larger raise.

Bring Your “A” Game

Many people choose to bring their “B” game to work, slacking off, gossiping, doing personal projects, and failing to commit all of their energy to their jobs during the hours that they are paid to do just that. They treat every day as a weekend rather than a school day. But that’s the wrong approach to use if you want to move toward greater career success.

To get ahead, you must do the opposite. Instead of doing the minimum, do the max. And do it every day. It’s the same across every business and industry, and there are no shortcuts.

Think about sports stars who have made it to the top of their field—in order to stand out from the extreme competition, they had to bring their “A” game to the field or court every day, including during practice sessions. They had to outperform, outshine, and outlast their teammates as well as their rivals to become recognized and rewarded as the best athlete in their sport.

How do you bring your best self to work every day? It may be simple but it’s not always easy. It involves being proactive, going the extra mile in the tasks you take on, and trying to find ways to increase your value to your company and colleagues even if it’s not part of your job description. It’s doing more than what’s expected—and figuring out what that “more” is in your company. And most of all, it involves continuing to learn.

Even if you’ve been with your employer for several years, there’s always more that you can learn about the business. You can focus on learning the details behind your company’s processes, and come up with suggestions on how teams can do things better, faster, and more efficiently.

You can learn about how things work in different departments from your own, and offer ideas for improved intra-departmental communication. You can dig down deeper into the heart of your own department, finding ways that you and your colleagues can communicate more efficiently both internally and externally.

The options are endless, really—all it takes is some imagination and initiative. In our next posting, we’ll explore specific strategies that you can use to stay in school while at work.

Be Great, But Set Boundaries

"Remember that the reward for being amazing at your job is more work. Be great but set boundaries. Beware if you ignore this rule."

–Mark Strong

Are you an office superhero? Many of my executive coaching clients have risen rapidly through the ranks based on their incredible work ethic. This is a great skill in any economy, but it can really make you stand out in a downturn. Standout performers increase their feeling of job security by making themselves indispensible.

I highly advocate standout performance, and doing what needs to be done at work to shine. But like most principles, this one only works if applied in moderation. I posted my quote above on the Mark Strong Coaching Facebook page as a reminder of one side effect that almost always follows doing a great job: being given more work.

In fact, one of the main issues that led me to seek my executive coach many years ago was a result of this conundrum. I worked hard and was rewarded with a quick ascent up the management ladder. Like many of my clients, I then experienced the sense of overwhelm that comes from taking on too many new responsibilities at once. I needed help navigating issues—from leading better teams to balancing my work and personal life—as a result of these increasing challenges.

The answer that my own executive coach shared with me back then holds true today. It is to know your limits, and set your boundaries accordingly. If you ignore this rule, you may find yourself “underwater,” drowning in more tasks than you can reasonably do. Here are some tips on how to stay afloat while still delivering a performance to remember:

Be clear about what’s on your plate. Your manager’s job is to get as much done through the team as possible using given resources, which include you. If your manager thinks you can take on more work because that’s the message you’re delivering, you’ll end up with more work.

The key is to be proactive in letting your manager know what you’re already working on, so that it’s clear whether you can take on another project or not. If you misrepresent your workload and suggest that you can handle more than you really can, then you haven’t done a good job at setting boundaries for your manager.

Create a visual that shows your time allocation. Sometimes despite your best efforts to communicate clearly about your full plate, your manager may want to give you more. To help avoid this, it can be helpful to create a visual representation of your projects and the time it will take you to complete each of them. Whether it’s a calendaring system, a pie chart, or a simple list of tasks and due dates, post this visual in a prominent place near your workstation, and update it regularly. Be prepared to use it as a talking point in discussions with your boss before agreeing to take on new tasks.

Suggest delegation or sharing the load. If you’ve tried the above strategies but your boss persists in pushing new projects on you, suggest a share. Request your manager’s buy-in on finding a partner who can help you with the project, or who can even take the lead on it.

Another strategy is to ask if delegation is possible once you’ve gotten the project started. Offer to stay available for questions and troubleshooting as needed. Though it may be initially hard to set boundaries, your manager will respect you more in the end, and you’ll preserve your energy to keep standing out. 

Creating Yourself

"Life isn't about finding yourself. Life is about creating yourself."

- George Bernard Shaw

I love the quote above. It could almost serve as an anthem for life coaching. Sometimes clients who start life coaching believe the process will focus solely on uncovering and discovering who they are.

But there’s so much more to it than that. Discovery—or “finding yourself”—is often part of the initial prep work you do with a life coach. This leg of the journey usually involves the past, looking back to gain a sense of why you “are where you are” in your personal and professional life.

But then the real work of life coaching begins—the deep creative work that is about changing your life rather than just understanding it. It’s about becoming the person who you have the potential to be, rather than simply processing what’s already happened.

How do you go about creating yourself? It’s a process that you work through in partnership with your life coach. By trying some of the following ideas when you feel ready for them, you can help facilitate the journey:

Build on what’s true for you. There’s so much advice now on every possible subject, from every possible source, particularly online. But only some of it will be right for you. A life coach can help guide you toward what’s true for you, after you’ve clearly identified it. But you must be the one to really feel that truth, and act on your desire to expand on it.

“Your truth” may sound like a vague concept, but what it means is what’s uniquely and authentically you. It’s not what others want you to do, or what you think you should do; it’s who you are. Still not sure how to find your truth? Use the point below as a barometer to help lead you to it.

Follow your comfort and happiness. When you’re following your truth, life flows easily, time passes quickly, and you feel good. You aren’t hampered by frequent obstacles, negative thoughts, or difficult encounters. Your truth is often not the obvious thing, or the most impressive. It’s just the thing that comes easily to you, and that you love to do so much, you would do it for free.

Use what you know to grow. Another way to create yourself is to turn lessons you’ve learned the hard way into something better. It’s not enough to understand why certain mistakes happened—kick it up a notch, and find ways to apply that knowledge toward shaping your future decisions.

Honor the creative process. Self-creation is like any other kind of art. It needs certain circumstances to produce the best outcome. Determine what you need to best make this happen.

The following actions may help you in your creative journey:

• Give yourself quiet time, away from other influences. It’s much harder to get in touch with what you really want when others are trying to persuade you of their views.

• Don’t over-schedule. If you keep yourself constantly busy, you won’t have the time you need to work on yourself. Be sure to keep at least some time each day for yourself.

• Write in a journal. Writing down your thoughts can help you tap into ideas about what you want that you may not have realized. If you prefer more structured writing instead of free-form, ask your life coach for some specific journal-writing exercises.

• Be patient. Creating yourself is a lifelong process, not something that’s finished in an afternoon. Celebrate small victories as you move ever-closer to a more authentic you.

What to Do When You’re Overwhelmed

“Overwhelmed? Use the 4D model. Do it, Delegate it, Delay it or Delete it. Fast way to simplify.”

-Mark Strong

I posted the quote above on Mark Strong Coaching Facebook just a week before 2012 began. It seemed to hit a nerve in the life coaching community, as preparing for the start of a new year can be a recipe for overwhelm.

Now only a few weeks into the journey, with your sights set on the next 11 months and your hopes and dreams for this particular year, you may still be feeling overwhelmed. You may be wondering what you can do to simplify your life in the weeks ahead.

I’ve found a simple solution that I share with my life coaching and executive clients: use the 4Ds for every item on your to-do list. In other words, for each thing that you feel you must do this year, you should assign it to one of the following four categories:

Do it. If there’s something that really needs to be done, the best thing to do is just to do it—the sooner, the better. The problem comes when you have so many things that need to be done, that you don’t have time to tackle each as it arises. This can lead to procrastination of certain items, which may languish for too long on your list, taking up valuable mental space because they’re still on your plate.

In this case, a little scheduling can help power you through the backlog. Instead of simply keeping an item on your list that you know you must do, create a calendar item for it, just like any other appointment. If it’s something that must wait for the weekend, then pick an actual day and time slot when you’ll get this task done—and then do it.

Delegate it. Some things must get done, but don’t necessarily need your personal touch. Because there’s only one of you and only so many hours that you’re awake and productive each day, you need to save your time for the highest-priority items that only you can do. For everything else that needs prompt action but could be done by someone other than you, consider delegating it.

How do you know what makes sense to delegate? People often delegate tasks that are more clerical in nature. If it isn’t of strategic importance to your business or doesn’t call on your core talents and skills, you can save time for what matters by delegating the rest.

Delay it. Doing nothing is actually doing something. Deciding not to take action right away is a valid decision. If something is on your list that you don’t yet know how to handle, the best response might be to delay it. By doing so, you allow time for additional information to unfold that might help you make a smarter decision. However, a caveat: you need to be sure that your desire to delay action is truly a strategic move rather than procrastination.

Delete it. It’s a fact that you may never complete every item on your lengthy to-do list. If you find that you keep delaying a certain task while moving no closer to a decision about doing it or delegating it, it may be time to press the delete button.

As circumstances change, some items that you once thought were critical may become lower priority, and may no longer be necessary to do. If you stay open and flexible, you’ll be in a better position to assess every item on your list, and remove the ones that are no longer relevant.

What Should You Do With Your Life?

My answer to the question raised in the title is simple—but not easy. It is to work at your own point of “intersection.”

To get a visual of what I’m talking about, check out the photos on the wall of the Mark Strong Coaching Facebook page. Two images on the wall show interlocking circles, which give two different examples of the same idea. The idea is that what you should do with your life can be found at the intersection of a few key concepts.

Depending on your values, you might feel more closely aligned with one of these “intersection” images than the other. Let’s start with the simpler of the two images, and see if this resonates for you:

What are some things you should do? I posed this question on the Mark Strong Coaching Facebook page in December. Take a look at the three red interlocking circles on the MSC wall. They suggest that the best things for you to do will be clear when you discover what’s at the intersection of:

• Things you like to do
• Things you do especially well
• Things you can do that also help society

This version of “the intersection” may appeal to you if you place a high importance on seeing the outcome of your work reflected in the world around you. This approach takes your preferences and talents into account, as well as the greater good. It does not take financial compensation into account, reflecting the idea that if you “do what you love, the money will follow.”

How to win. The above version of circles takes a global focus into account. The other version of circles on the MSC wall (which is a series of yellow interlocking circles) takes more of a financial focus. It’s not for us to judge which approach is superior. Instead, think through which approach is right for you at this time in your life. It may change over time.

Money is almost always an important component of our financial decisions, and rightly so. Without appropriate compensation, we may find ourselves doing something we’re good at doing—and perhaps even something we love to do as well—but be unable to financially support ourselves.

When I posted this version of circles on the MSC wall in December, I captioned it, “How to win.” To get to the win, consider what you love and what you are good at, just as in the example of the red circles above. But for this version, you must also consider what kind of work pays well as part of your equation.

This version of “the intersection” exercise includes an additional layer. It makes the point that if you only combine two of the three considerations, you won’t end up in the center of the circles with a “win.” Here are examples of bad combos:

• If you only consider what you’re good at and what you love, and fail to consider the financial aspect, you may feel satisfied with your work, but end up struggling to make ends meet
• If you consider only what you do well and what pays well, but neglect to consider passion for your profession, then you may end up financially strong, but unfulfilled
• If you decide do something you love that also pays well, but you don’t have a strong enough skill set to really excel in that kind of work, then your dream job may quickly become a nightmare

Is It Time for a Change?

Beating Perfectionism, Procrastination, and Paralysis

“Perfectionism leads to procrastination leads to paralysis. Take one small step toward that thing you're not doing today.”

–Mark Strong

If you’ve been following Mark Strong Coaching on Facebook, you may have seen the quote above on our Wall. I’d like to devote this week’s blog to expanding on this important topic.

Is there something you’ve been putting off doing? Have you thought about what’s keeping you from it? Often when we resist starting and completing tasks, the culprit behind our inertia is perfectionism.

Maybe you don’t think of yourself as a perfectionist. But perfectionism wears many masks. It casts a wider net than the stereotype you may have of the detail-oriented person who has to have everything “just so.” You may have perfectionistic tendencies, but not realize that those are behind your procrastination.

Are you a perfectionist? Whether you consider yourself to be detail-oriented or not, do you sometimes find it difficult, or even painful, to start certain kinds of projects? Will you do almost anything else to avoid digging into that one thing? If so, think about the big picture of the project:

Is there someone on the receiving end of the project who you are worried about disappointing? Are you anxious that you can’t deliver on the outcome, because you think the end product won’t be as good as it needs to be? If so, you may feel nervous about taking the first step that you need to take, for fear of doing it wrong.

This is perfectionism at work. Perfectionism is what leads to procrastination, and in worst-case scenarios, paralysis. The goal is to nip this negative trio of “P’s” in the bud. If you can stop the first “P,” you’ll avoid the chain reaction that follows it.

Here’s what I coach my clients to do:

Combat the three “P’s” of perfectionism, procrastination, and paralysis with the three “S’s”: Start with Small Steps. Here’s how:

•    Do one thing. The next time you feel yourself resisting something important, take one action, no matter how small, toward doing it. By starting with small steps, you will avoid the overwhelm that can come from thinking about the project in total. Small steps get your feet wet; once you wade in, you may find it is easier than you thought to just dive in and start swimming.
• Count it all. Count everything you do toward your goal, not just the major steps. If you have a report to write, your first step might be sitting down at the computer. This may sound obvious, but you can’t start the report until you’re physically in front of your computer. Procrastination will keep you from making this simple move, finding every excuse possible to avoid it. Soon you will become paralyzed with dread about the project, and you will have even less time to do it, because you have put it off too long.
• Keep going. Once you have conquered the first baby step, push yourself to the next. In our example above, your next small step might be creating a file for your new report, and giving it a title. Now it has become a real project! Don’t stop—keep the momentum going. Are there calls you need to make, or research you need to do, before you can dig into your report? Do it now—don’t think about the end result of the report or who will be reading it. If you just do the next small step in front of you, soon you will get into the flow of the project, and momentum will trump the 3 “P’s.”

Planning Ahead: Key Questions for 2012

It’s hard to believe, but it’s almost New Year’s! The year has flown by once again. And while you may be waiting for New Year’s Eve to write out your resolutions, it’s not too early to start thinking about 2012, and what you want to happen.

Life coaching and executive coaching are about first dreaming and then doing. Think of these last weeks of the year as your dreaming time. Your dreams, hopes, and intentions are the sparks that ignite your future plans both personally and professionally, so nothing is more important.

To help you plan ahead, I have some questions to share with you that I like to ask my life coach clients. Take some time in this last month of 2011 to ask yourself these key questions. They will help create a structure to guide your life and work in 2012:

What do you want to add to your life in the coming year? What do you want to discard? Though you may feel that January 1^st is just another day, the New Year creates a perfect time to reinvent yourself. As you think back over your past year, identify what worked well (let’s call these your “Dids”) and what you’d like to change (these are your “Duds”). It can help to write your thoughts down—make a list of successes, as well as things that didn’t go as planned.

The list that you compile contains valuable information for 2012. In life coaching, our mission is to build on your “Dids” and learn from your “Duds.” Look at your “Dids” list first. What worked well for you in 2011, how can you keep the momentum going? Are there things you need to add to your life, whether by reaching out to key people, figuring out new processes, or investing in upgraded tools?

Now look at your list of 2011 “Duds.” Although it may be painful to remind yourself about things that didn’t work out, the challenges that you faced and goals you didn’t reach can serve as a bellwether pointing you toward what you need to do next. “Duds” should lead to “discards.” Think about what you can eliminate from your life going forward in 2012 to ensure that your “Duds” list is shorter next year.

How do you feel about your current priorities? Does anything need readjusting? Let’s build on the work you’ve done above. Make a list of the priorities that you’ve been focusing on this past year, both personally and professionally. Now that you have a clear visual of what worked well for you in 2011, do any of your priorities need fine-tuning?

Perhaps you reached some of the goals that you had been working toward, and need a fresh vision. Or maybe you discovered that something you thought was vital to your success isn’t really for you. Create a clear list of updated priorities that can take you confidently into 2012.

By this time next year, what do you want to have accomplished? Next, let’s use a “visioning” process to help uncover what you really want in the New Year. Imagine yourself a year from now, with 2012 almost over. In the best-case scenario, what is happening in your career and relationships? Where do you hope to be financially?

Then think through the steps you will need to take in 2012 to reach each of your goals. Be very specific about what you’ll need to do, and when. By being clear on what you want to accomplish over the next year, you’ll be in a much better position to prepare to make it happen.

Stay in Today

Why is time going so quickly? As the year draws to a close, many people who I work with as a life coach here in New York City are expressing dismay about the speed at which the days fly by. It doesn’t help that it’s already dark before rush hour! And our lengthening list of holiday to-dos adds to the sense of time pressure.

There are many reasons why you might feel that time is moving too fast. When too many of your hours are spent on responsibilities and too few are spent on activities of your choosing, then it’s natural to feel a sense of urgency as precious time slips away. (See last week’s posting on Integrating ‘Chose-tos’ with ‘Have-tos.’)

Another reason for the sense of time crunch comes from over-committing and over-scheduling. When you agree to do more than you can reasonably manage, then you literally do not have enough hours in the day to get everything done. (See previous posting on Rethinking Your Relationship with Time.)

The solution is one you’ve heard before, but it’s easy to forget it when you’re moving a mile a minute. It’s keeping your head in today. In other words, living in present versus the past or future. Here are some coaching ideas on this topic:

Do a mind-check. When you feel that frantic feeling coming on—the one that tells you that you don’t have enough time to get everything done—take a pause. Use your anxiety as a red flag that you need to take a step back and notice what you’re thinking about.

Are your worries based on projecting weeks or months in the future, wondering how things will turn out? Are you telling yourself that you’ll never get it all done? Just stop and observe—and then try to bring yourself back to today. If you keep your eyes on the task in front of you, you’ll move forward at the right pace.

Stop being speedy. Sometimes we add to our own sense of stress by keeping ourselves too wound up. There’s always going to be something else that has to get done in our work and personal lives. The goal isn’t to check that last thing off our to-do lists, because there will always be a new list. So you need to pace yourself through your commitments, and work in breaks and recovery to keep yourself from burning out.

I often say that it’s when you feel least able to take a break that you most need one. Even race cars need pit stops to refuel, so don’t think that you must keep going at the same pace without a break.

Plan but don’t obsess. Planning is important to help keep us on track. But planning is all about the future, and there is such thing as over-planning, fixating so much on what’s to come that you lose your effectiveness in the moment. The key is to schedule in regular time for future planning, and then refocus on the present and on what you are doing today, right now.

Do one thing at a time. You may have noticed that the times you feel the most discombobulated are times when you are juggling two or more tasks at once. Sometimes we may think multi-tasking is the only way we can get everything done, but it’s often a false economy, leading to errors and inability to do any of the tasks wholeheartedly. Instead, see if you can fully complete each task before moving onto the next one. You’ll benefit from the added focus that comes with being single-minded.

Integrating “Choose-Tos” with “Have-Tos”

Honing Your Holiday Balance

Rethinking Your Relationship with Time

The days are growing shorter. The seasonal “fall back” time change is in effect. It’s already dark out before you’ve checked off even half of today’s to-dos. This feeling of having even less time to accomplish things can make even the most efficient organizer feel more stressed than usual.

Yet maybe the answer isn’t trying to wring more hours out of shortening days, but getting more out of each day in our hours. In other words, perhaps it’s not your calendar that needs an overhaul, but your mind.

How do you think about time? Do you see it as a cruel task master, always pushing you relentlessly? Do you see it as an opponent against whom you must fight a daily battle? If so, it might be time to rethink time. Time can work for you, not against you, if you let it.

Here are some ideas about how you might start to do this:

Slow down. How often during a typical day do you feel “speedy”? If you are constantly revved up, rushing wildly from thing to thing, there’s no way that you can be as efficient as you could be. A frantic pace leads to constant anxiety and mistakes in our work and judgment. Find a way to step back and slow down, before an accident or health problem does it for you.

Think about ways that you can dim your sense of urgency. Sometimes when you feel like you can least afford to take a break is when you need one the most. Think about whether you are trying to juggle too much—sometimes in the name of balance, we add more to our waking hours than we should.

Stop over-scheduling. One way to deal with time differently is to refuse to cram so much into your day. If you don’t give yourself an adequate stretch to deal with each item on your plate, then you end up with a backlog of half-finished, poorly executed tasks. Although you may think that you have little control over how much you have to do, you must reclaim your power here.

Remember that you are the ultimate decision-maker about how you spend your time. If you believe that your boss has more authority over your daily decisions than you do, you must find a way to work as a partnership to adjust your workload and delegate some tasks.

Watch yourself. In a city like New York, it’s all too easy to get swept up in a feeling of constant pressure. Learn to monitor your warning signs for being on overload, which indicate you’re getting too speedy and over-scheduling. When you feel yourself going into panic mode as though everything is a huge time crunch, it’s a red flag that indicates enough is enough.

Have a strategy ready to help you come back to earth, such as slowing down your breathing, or taking a break from what you’re doing. If you can recognize when you are viewing life as a constant emergency, then you can take actions to shift your approach.

Brake for a break. Time changes when you change how you feel about time. Have you ever noticed how quickly you can feel completely different about time when you’re on vacation? Suddenly, everything that seemed so critical in “work time” fades to black when all we need to worry about is what we want to have for dinner.

Take this lesson of vacations as a cue of what to do—time after time. Recharging through daily recovery may be all you need to rebalance your scales for a smoother tomorrow.

Acceptance in Work and Life

As we near the end of the year, many of us begin to take stock of what we have accomplished. A major part of my role as a life, career, and executive coach is to help you reconcile your vision of where you had hoped to be at this stage in your life, with where you actually are. We then try to find ways to work on moving from where you are, to where you want to be.

But at the same time that life coaching is about changing and getting to the next level of your vision, it’s also about accepting certain things about where you are today. Change is about patience and timing, not instant results. Growth involves knowing when to stay put, as well as when to reach out.

If you are a regular reader of my blogs, you have probably noticed that I like to point out patterns and commonalities that I notice among many of my clients. It is my hope that by doing so, those who might think they are alone in experiencing something will realize that others share their feelings. When it comes to accepting things we don’t like, most of us are guilty of resisting rather than going gracefully.

Here are some thoughts I’ve had recently about acceptance, which might apply to situations that you’re going through at the office or at home:

Don’t rush it. One of the biggest reasons for lack of acceptance about where we are is that we’re pushing the time table too quickly. We may look out at others who are “further ahead” than we are, not recognizing that they got there from starting down the path sooner than us. If you’re new to an industry, you can’t expect to be a thought leader in it instantly, no matter how many “experts” you see blogging about it.

Don’t over-expect. Another gremlin behind lack of acceptance is feeling like you did not get done as much as you wanted to in a given amount of time. I have noticed many clients (and I sometimes do this too) feel frustrated at the end of the day because they think they did not accomplish enough. If you find yourself falling into this trap, remind yourself that there will always be more to do. We will never just check the last item off of our to-do list and be caught up for good! And we wouldn’t really want to—without new challenges to strive for, we would stagnate.

Look around. Sometimes you may push and push to reach a certain result, only to find that your path is blocked. At such times, it can be wise to remember the saying, “When in hole, stop digging.” Perhaps the timing isn’t right for a change. Maybe you would be better off trying a different direction. Whatever the reason, there may be something that you still need to learn or accomplish where you are now before you can move forward. Find out what your current situation is telling you.

Be where you are. Whether it comes to work or family life, we all must go through certain stages at different times. It can be tough to be in a later stage of your career and your life looking out at those who are fresh and just starting. At the same time, green newbies may wish they were more senior, with the authority and influence that their older colleagues enjoy. Acceptance is about trying to see the best elements about where you are now, and to get what you can out of your current situation.

The Grass Is Not Greener- Love The Life You Have

One of the many advantages of being a life and career coach is the opportunity to see common threads. While individual clients may have the sense that they are alone in their feelings or that no one else is going through what they are, as a life coach, I see otherwise.

One recurring theme that I’ve noticed among professionals in all walks of life is a “grass must be greener” feeling. Regardless of choices that people have made, we all have the tendency from time to time to doubt our direction.

When we do so, we may look around at others who have taken different paths—perhaps paths we once considered. We may see only the positive points about these alternate routes, and only the negative ones about our current trajectory.

Social media makes this comparing and contrasting even more easy to do—and also more potentially misleading. Through sites like LinkedIn and Facebook, those of us on social media have daily reminders about the impressive things that others seem to be doing, both professionally and personally. When we see these constant updates, it’s hard not to feel like others have a leg up.

Yet there is a reason for the expression, “The grass is always greener on the other side of the fence.” It’s because when we’re on our own side, we can’t see the other lawn clearly—we’re looking from afar. The neighbor’s lawn isn’t really part of our everyday reality the way that our own lawn is. So we can’t see the gopher holes lurking in it—we only see green grass.

Here are some thoughts I’ve had recently about loving your own “lawn”:

Remember what they say about hindsight. It’s always 20-20. In other words, once you’ve forked onto your road of choice and forsaken possible alternatives (at least for the foreseeable future), it’s much easier to see the good things about the paths not taken. The key is to trust the decision-making that went into your earlier choice. There were reasons why you took the turns you did, and it’s easy to forget those once you’ve made your move.

That’s why they call them “Profiles.” Before the days of social networking, once you left a job, you often left your knowledge of what happened to former co-workers as well. No longer—now you can get minute-by-minute updates of people you went to preschool with. It’s easy to compare yourself to those with whom you once shared a playground or office. But if you base your comparisons on what you see through social media, remember you’re not getting the whole picture. A profile is a vehicle for people to put their best foot forward, and create a positive view of their work and social life. You’re not likely to read about career missteps or people “unfriended” by looking at profiles.

There will always be someone “ahead.” Throughout our lives, we will go through ups and downs. If we look at those who are in an “up” phase while we’re down, we’re certain to feel disappointed. Similarly, no matter how well we do in our careers or what level of success we have, there’s always someone who might appear to be doing “better” on some levels. Don’t engage in these unproductive comparisons.

See what’s good. Much of life satisfaction involves our perspective. If we look at everything that’s wrong with our lives and see only the brown patches on our lawns, we’re bound to feel unhappy. Make an effort to notice what’s right about your life right now. Water the grass you have, and watch it grow.

Getting Healthier Emotionally

In the last installment of Mark Strong Coaching’s “Getting Healthier” series, we explore what it means to get healthier emotionally. Emotional health encompasses physical, mental, and spiritual well-being. Part of being emotionally healthy means having strength in each of these areas.

But how do you build this emotional strength? It can be hard to stay balanced across the board, but a good start is to practice the tips you’ve learned earlier in the Getting Healthier series. It’s important to keep the continuity going from those lessons and not fall back on old habits.

Keep eating right, sleeping enough, and exercising. Work on your confidence, resilience, and relationships. With this as a platform, you can start to examine your overall emotional health, and see if it could use some fine-tuning:

See where you are today—and realize it will change. A keystone to emotional balance is understanding that your emotional health is not fixed in time. Depending on your life circumstances and your experiences day to day, your level of emotional health and feelings of well-being will fluctuate. Where you are on any given day or period of your life can be affected by a number of factors, including:

•    Your family situation growing up

•    Your current living situation

•    What you have experienced in life

•    How you think about and use these experiences today

While some of these factors are fixed in your past, your responses to them don’t have to be. As such, you might want to think about emotional health as being more of a sliding scale than a set point.

Know the difference. Now that you’re viewing emotional health as a sliding scale, it can help to know the types of variation that you might experience along that continuum.

When you’re in a place of positive emotional health, you might feel:

•    Content
•    Relaxed
•    Happy
•    Easy-going
•    Friendly
•    Open
•    Fun

When your emotional health is out of balance, you might feel:

•    Stressed out
•    Irritable
•    Angry
•    Frustrated
•    Fearful
•    Guilty
•    Upset

Part of being emotionally healthy is being able to recognize where you are on the scale at different times. Be aware of your unique strengths, as well as areas that you find particularly difficult. If you find yourself in a low spot, you can have the flexibility to accept your current emotional state as a natural part of life, and then move toward getting to a better space.

Build awareness. People who are emotionally healthy still have stress and problems in their lives—they have just learned how to cope with them in productive ways. Life is full of twists and turns that aren’t easy to deal with. The goal isn’t to try to avoid all difficulties because that would be impossible. But what you can do is become more aware of your own emotional reactions. We all have different “triggers” that might lead to feelings of sadness, anger, or low self-worth. If you can start to identify what your triggers are, you can bring extra awareness to those areas and make efforts to avoid sinking into a low mood.

Focus on personal development and growth. Emotional health is about satisfaction with the direction of your life, and about setting new challenges that keep you feeling alive and vibrant. Working with a life coach is a great way to develop personally and professionally and find new channels for growth. Hand-in-hand with that work, you can enhance your well-being by choosing thoughts and actions that reflect the truth and power of your authentic life.

Getting Healthier Mentally

Getting Healthier Mentally

As we continue with Mark Strong Coaching’s “Getting Healthier” series, let’s explore what it means to get healthier mentally. What is mental health? Being mentally healthy actually means more than just the absence of mental health problems. It’s even more than being free of depression, stress, and anxiety. To be mentally healthy, you must actually work on cultivating positive mental habits rather than merely avoiding negative ones.

But what kind of positive habits can make a difference to your sense of mental well being? There are numerous things you can do to strengthen your mental health and feel better all around:

Cultivate a sense of contentment. Did you ever notice that some people, regardless of their circumstances, seem content with their lives? We’ve all seen people who seem to have everything going against them but still remain optimistic and upbeat about life in general. And on the other hand, we’ve also probably known people who seem to have everything going for them yet still moan and groan about little things, and never seem satisfied. Who would you rather be around? Your goal is to try to be like the former group. Try to find ways to be content with your life rather than complain about it.

Boost your resilience. Being resilient means having the ability to bounce back from stressful periods and adversity. Resilient people still experience their share of tribulations, and they still feel emotions like sadness and disappointment when they do. But people who are mentally healthy use tools to maintain a positive outlook until they can get to the other side of a crisis. The key tools of resilience are flexibility and balance. You must be flexible enough to balance taking action when you have to accomplish something, and stepping back to reenergize yourself as needed.

Live with a sense of purpose. Mental health is improved by having a sense of meaning and purpose in your life. When you feel this sense, you are better able to weather the inevitable storms that come into each of our lives from time to time to throw us off course. Your sense of purpose could be related to your work or your family, or it might be based on a characteristic that you’d like to reflect in your interactions with people, such as patience or helpfulness.

Build and maintain fulfilling relationships. Supportive relationships are one of the bedrocks of solid mental health. While it’s important to take care of yourself and practice self-discipline, it’s also vital to nurture positive connections with others. Talking to someone you trust about your problems and experiences can also help you deal with stress. The key is to make sure you’re choosing your relationships wisely, and finding people who support you rather than judge or criticize you.

Feel confident. Part of being mentally healthy is having a positive self-image. Try to be conscious of your thoughts, and be aware of whether there are times that you fall into negative self-talk. If you find this happening, you may need to improve your confidence level. If you’re working with a life coach, this is an area on which you can focus together.

Find ways to laugh and have fun. No matter how stressful life sometimes becomes, it’s important that we find ways to maintain our sense of humor. Keeping our zest for life as a backdrop to challenging circumstances can help us get through them. If you feel you’ve become too serious about life, it may be time to step back and take a break. Often problem-solving becomes easier after we’ve found a way to enjoy ourselves.

Getting Healthier Physically

Getting Healthier: What Do You Need to Do for You?

Making And Breaking Routine

Can Going Backward Move You Forward?

What’s Your Next Step?

The Never-Ending To-Do List

If there’s one thing that most everyone I coach has in common, it’s a feeling of being too busy. Whether we’re in a job struggling to keep up with client demands while short-staffed, or if we’ve been laid off and are scrambling to apply and interview for new positions, or if we’re running our own business, we’re all short on time and long on to-dos.

One problem of always feeling behind the eight ball is that it produces stress and anxiety. If you’re in constant rush mode always trying to cross just one more thing off your list but never feeling any closer to the bottom of it, you can feel frustrated. The health effects of stressful negative feelings have been well documented. While some stress can lead to healthy productivity, having too much pressure in your life can lead to a host of health problems, from insomnia and depression to high blood pressure and heart trouble.

So how can you complete what you need to accomplish without feeling overwhelmed? The answer may lie in how you look at things. If you convince yourself that everything on your list is equally important, or that you must cross more tasks off your list each day than is realistic or even possible, then you’re setting yourself up for discouragement that can lead to stress.

Consider the following tips to help change your perspective about your workload and life load:

Be honest about your time. One mistake I’m guilty of making along with my clients is overestimating the amount of time I have to get things done each day. When you take a more realistic look at your schedule, it may become clear that having 20 things on your to-do list is biting off more than you can chew.

If you usually try to shoehorn too many tasks into available hours, try a new approach. Instead of pressuring yourself to accomplish so much, tell yourself that you only need to finish a few things on your list—maybe three max, though in some cases, one may be enough depending on complexity. Then you’ll have a feeling of success at day’s end for completing what you intended, instead of disappointment about what you didn’t do.

Break tasks into multiple steps. Another useful strategy to manage your to- do list involves a bit of x-ray vision. You need to see through the task you’ve written on paper to the many associated tasks that it may imply. For example, if you’ve written “Submit proposal to committee,” this one item may contain several distinct steps, such as “Talk to boss about focus of proposal,” “Research previous proposals,” “Find proposal template,” and “Write proposal.”

Separate “urgent” from “important.” This goes back to Stephen Covey’s Seven Habits of Highly Effective People—not everything on your to-do list is of equal value. Though it may seem counterintuitive, things that shout “URGENT!” may not be that important, at least not to your own plans and goals. Urgent-seeming tasks are usually those that come to you from outside sources. They are considered urgent by the sender—frantic messages from colleagues about something they want you to do, emails marked with exclamation points to move them to the top of your in-box.

But these screaming missives may not have anything to do with what you need to accomplish today based on your larger vision of what’s important. So take the time to identify what’s important to you, and don’t let those items get bumped by other’s urgencies. As the saying goes, “Poor planning on your part does not constitute an emergency on my part.”

Making New Friends as You Age

Remember when it was easy to meet new friends? Our whole early lives, from preschool through college, the educational system made it tough not to make friends. Sharing classes, sports teams, and activities with peers in school and other prearranged settings allowed us to meet people with whom we shared common interests, or at least age. And we didn’t have to go out of our way to do it.

Shoot forward to today. Many people who I advise as a life coach in New York are long past their school days, and it has become trickier to find and keep friends. Even here in the city where people are plentiful, true friends and new friends can be hard to come by.

Yet friendships don’t become less important as we age—in some ways, they may become more so. As our adult lives move us in new directions and perhaps to new locations, we may find ourselves feeling alone even in a crowd.

Clients have shared the reality of growing apart from old friends, as interests change and common bonds fall away. Childhood friends may remember you much differently than you are today, and it may be hard to bridge the gap. Some of your “historic” friends may have changed a lot, too, making it difficult to relate to them anymore.

So what can you do? First, accept the fact that cultivating and maintaining friendships gets harder as you get older. The situations to make friends don’t present themselves as often. So it takes more work on the front end from you.

Here are some ideas about how to keep a supportive circle of connections alive and thriving into your future:

Think quality not quantity. In the era of social networking, the emphasis is often on how many “friends” you have, without regard for the closeness of your connection. But as we age, this equation should be reversed. Quality does matter, and focusing too much on quantity can be a deterrent to cultivating close ties with people you really care about.

Talk show hosts often joke about the inverse proportion of Facebook friends to actual friends: that the more friends one has on Facebook, the fewer one has in real life. Although having a larger number of connections can help in networking and business, there may be some truth to the joke.

If you spend all your time reading Facebook walls, then you’re interacting with your Blackberry, not with people. That means the Internet consumes the limited amount of free time you could use to socialize in person.

Focus on face-to-face, not just Facebook. While Facebook serves an important purpose, when it comes to making new friends there’s no substitute for the real thing. To get to know new people, you need to keep in circulation. And the best way to do that?

Do things you like. You can recreate the childhood feeling of “insta-friends” by finding things you enjoy doing, and doing them in a group. There is a group for almost everything—and if there isn’t, you can start one! If it’s a sport you like, you’ll put yourself around other sporty people by joining an adult league or team. If it’s knitting, you can discuss stitches and sweaters with fellow yarn lovers.

Initiate and invite. Once you’ve found a group of possible kindred spirits, push yourself to make the first move. It’s hard for almost everyone to take a risk and talk to a potential friend, but if you don’t, it’s possible no one will. Go out on a limb, and you just might find a new friend.

Don’t Let Social Networking Replace Face-to-Face

There’s been a lot of buzz lately about declining human interaction as social networking sites continue to proliferate. The latest entrant, Google+, joins an already crowded field of competitors—including Facebook, LinkedIn, Twitter, and Myspace—in the social networking/micro-blogging arena. (Wikipedia lists over 200 well-known sites battling for our eyeballs.)

With all of this activity, sometimes it seems like everyone is online—and many clients who I work with as a life coach feel discouraged about this. But a recent Wall Street Journal article makes the point that Facebook users in the United States have started to decline, and despite its novelty, Google+ traffic is already waning as well. The article goes on to say that although many predicted early on that social networking would gradually decrease our reliance on face-to-face communication, data show the opposite is true. This is because much of the value inherent in human contact can’t be effectively translated to the web.

What does this mean for you and your career? Clearly, social networking isn’t going away any time soon, and we wouldn’t want it to. It offers a useful service by helping us to stay in contact with a much wider range of contacts than we could previously. (One thing I’ve personally appreciated about LinkedIn is how much easier it is to find contact information of former colleagues—especially given how much more frequently people change companies these days.)

And yet, if we rely on social networking too much, we miss chances for live meet-ups and in-person networking. There is only so much time in the day—outside of our core responsibilities—for networking. It’s good for our careers and souls to ensure that a good portion of this time is spent nurturing relationships face-to-face, not face-to-screen.

Here are some reasons why:

You can get to know people differently in person. Few would argue the point that online interactions just don’t cut it when it comes to getting the full picture about someone. Although some people feel more comfortable interacting electronically rather than live, when it comes to both workplace and personal interactions, it is important to know who you’re dealing with. And you can only determine this once you have met someone.

So much is communicated by body language and other social cues that you can’t pick up on through Facebook. A prospective employer or client might have a perfect LinkedIn page, yet poor social skills or other red flags you would only see by meeting in person. Find out all you can when it comes to making important work-related decisions and building your professional networks.

Live connections can lead to jobs. Few people are hired sight unseen. By taking the time to develop your relationships through true meetings and outings, you’re increasing your future job security by building a network you can truly turn to for career assistance.

Most of us have received a job request from someone we’ve never met before on LinkedIn who is in desperate search of an opportunity. I don’t know about you, but these random connections are not the first ones I’d think of helping to land a job. I’d be much more likely to respond to someone I know well, and who I’ve had sufficient personal experience with to recommend with confidence.

Networking events are fun! You can’t have cocktails with a computer. And with so many great opportunities for professional networking, especially here in New York, why would you want to? Find a group to join that shares your industry or job-specific interests. Not only will you meet great career contacts, but you’ll enjoy it, too.

Walking the Tightrope: Finding the Right Work/Life Balance

I once heard it said that trying to achieve the right balance in your life is like walking a tightrope: you’re either effectively moving across the rope, or you’re falling off of it and trying to figure out how to get back on.

The former instance represents those rare but wonderful times when everything goes smoothly, because you’re spending neither too much time nor too little on any one part of your life. This is balance. But the latter represents times when the different parts of your life are not in synch. Instead of striding gracefully across the rope, you find yourself flailing into the net below, and having to start your routine again.

How can we up our chances of spending more time on the rope, and less in the net? Consider the following strategies to improve your work/life balance:

Stick to a schedule. As a life coach, I see many clients bite off far more than they can chew at work and in their personal lives. One way people lose their balance is by failing to plan. Instead, they go to work with an open-ended timetable, with no clear cut-off point to help them mark when work should end and personal activities should begin.

Some end up sacrificing their daily lunch break-perhaps five hours a week that really belong to them. Some work into the night, long after others have logged off and returned to family and friends. And some continue monitoring work e-mail and Blackberry messages into the night, blurring the line between their time and their employer’s.

To correct this problem, set a schedule for your day and stick to it. If your work hours are nine to five, don’t start checking work e-mail at seven in the morning. If your company lunch break is to be taken between noon and two, pick a time to regularly sign off from work so that you have a chance to rejuvenate.

Keep priorities realistic. Each of us can only do so much in our 24 hours. One way we lose balance is by setting our priorities too high on what we want to accomplish in a given time frame.

Try this: take a piece of paper and map out your average day in hourly increments. Include time that you need to sleep, eat, shower, exercise, commute, work, do personal projects, and socialize. You’ll quickly see that once all of your mandatory activities are penciled in, such as eight hours to sleep, 45 minutes to commute each way to work, eight hours to work, and so forth, you have very little “free” time left for other activities.

This realization can be liberating, if you let it be. Once you realize, for example, that you have only two hours on weekdays that aren’t taken up by necessary activities, you can take a more realistic approach to what you might be able to accomplish. And knowing you have a short window can help you figure out how to prioritize.

Don’t skimp on basics. In our workaholic culture, jobs often end up trumping personal time, leaving us stressed and frazzled. Part of that harried feeling arises because we don’t give ourselves adequate time to address our own needs.

Be sure to schedule in time for personal maintenance. Getting enough rest, staying physically fit, and eating healthy foods are necessary to ensure your top functioning at work. By skimping in these areas, you’re “stealing from Peter to pay Paul.” So notice your patterns. Honor your needs. Define your boundaries. By doing so, you’ll find it much easier to master your work/life tightrope.

Making Change Work For You

“The dogmas of the quiet past are inadequate to the stormy present. The occasion is piled high with difficulty, and we must rise with the occasion. As our case is new, so we must think anew and act anew“- Abraham Lincoln

Is there a change in your professional life on the horizon? If there are concerns about making any transition, it is only natural. Fear of change is inherent in many individuals. Stepping out of one’s comfort zone into the unknown can fill anyone with trepidation. We like what we are familiar with and what we have control over. There is reluctance to take the first step by not knowing where it leads.

Like the child that fears the dark, anything that we cannot see and predict causes anxiety and unease. But change can be a positive thing. We as human beings are meant to evolve. We are designed to learn and grow personally and professionally. It is in our wiring to develop into better individuals. Without it, we grow stagnant and inert and become inactive and dull. The result is we as individuals and those around us cannot progress into better people and improve our situations. With the help of professionals like a life coach, we can move forward in our lives.

Think of overcoming change as climbing a mountain. The struggle to get over the top is difficult. The stress on the body and mind may make you want to quit and say it is not worth it. However, there is that nagging feeling of wonder that keeps the climber going. What will the view be at the top? What is it on the other side that makes the struggle worth it? It is like the old saying where it is the journey and not the destination.

This struggle with the feeling of doubt and uncertainty against the draw of possible rewards is faced by anyone going through any modification in life. The individual with aspirations to be an entrepreneur or business owner feels unease with going from the loss of the steady paycheck to fluctuations in income. The career changer may have a fear of failure in trying a new occupation. These feelings can cause confusion and blind people to what they can achieve. They fail to see the positives that can result.

There are ways to make change work for the individual making the transition. A defined plan combined with ability to reach goals can bring success. Some people are able to deal with and capitalize on change for their own betterment. Others may need assistance with the process.

Assessing our abilities and ourselves can be difficult. Some people tend to limit their past accomplishments and what they are capable of doing. The intervention of a third party can help clear through the confusion and make sense of change. The certified life coach can view a client’s situation from an outside perspective. They understand what the client’s needs are and provide them with the insight in how to reach their objectives. They identify the strengths of the individual and how to build on those.

Think of a life coach as your guide through a trackless wilderness. They know the route you seek because they have led other people on the same journey. They can measure the outcome of any endeavor by identifying the individual’s ability and capacity and leveraging the most out of these to reach any objective.

Change should not be seen with hesitancy. It should be embraced as something which makes us stronger.

How to Avoid Falling Into a Workplace Rut

The toughest days of your professional career aren't the days you burn the midnight oil to make a deadline. And they aren't the days where you have to make a big presentation to some corporate big-shot.

The hardest days of your career are those days where you work hard as hell, but don't see any results.

Say you commit yourself to going to the gym. After a few weeks of working out, as long as you eat right, you're guaranteed to see results. If you make a pledge to save money and don't overspend, you'll have extra money. Even if you save just $5 a month, that's an extra $60 at the end of the year you wouldn't have otherwise had. But working your ass off and getting nothing out of it? Not even a small bonus or a token "Thank you"? That's a different situation entirely, and it's one that can threaten the very foundation of your life.

Coach Pat Riley once said that a champion needs a motivation above and beyond winning. However, getting stuck in a rut at work can test that motivation to its limits. Think about the trickle-down effect a bad work environment can have on the rest of your life. You work hard for eight or more hours a day, yet your bosses don't take notice. You realize that you're fighting a losing battle, so you dread coming to work every day. Sooner or later, your work begins to suffer, your attitude begins to suffer, and then everyone else's opinion of you begins to suffer. You come home miserable after a long day of work, and your relationship with your family begins to suffer.

It gets worse. As your confidence begins to free-fall, you start questioning your own abilities and your self-worth. You apply for other jobs, but you're not quite yourself, and that little piece you're missing is the difference between a sure-fire hire and someone who's not a good fit for the position. Meanwhile, everyone around you is getting promoted left and right, and you can't help but take it personally. It's a vicious cycle, one that's virtually impossible to cut once things start going south.

The only true way to get out of a rut at work? Don't let yourself get into one.

How can you avoid getting stuck in a rut? Make sure the important people at your company know who you are and what you're worth. The office is no place for modesty, and if all other things are equal, the squeaky wheel is going to get the grease. When you finish a big assignment, find a way to let the powers that be know what you contributed to the project. If there's a way you can make a bigger contribution to your department, be sure to speak up.

Another way to stay out of a rut is to develop a sense of when it's time to go. If your job no longer challenges you, or if you're not getting the respect you deserve, start looking for something else. Better to be seen as a job-hopper than someone who is content to play it safe. Besides, boredom breeds contempt, and you just may find yourself in a rut if you aren't proactive.

Sometimes you can't avoid falling into a rut at work. It happens to the best of us. If you find yourself wasting away at work, just do what you have to do to dig yourself out, and don't stop digging until you're all the way out. It can be so easy to abandon all hope and lose faith in yourself, and it's so hard to fight when you just don't feel like fighting anymore. But you're better than that. Don't let your job control your life. Hang in there, and when you're ready, things will start to go your way.

Beating the Game of Office Politics

What's the hardest thing about your job? If you're like many of the people I talk to as a life coach, what's toughest about work isn't the work at all, but playing politics. Maybe it's feeling like you have to walk on eggshells around a team member to avoid confrontation. Or maybe it's trying to figure out how to navigate the murky waters of communication between your boss and your bosses' boss without stepping on toes or leaving anyone out of the loop.

Whatever your particular situation, office politics can confuse and frustrate even top-performing employees. So what's the solution to keeping political quagmires from dragging you down emotionally or derailing your career goals? Consider the following strategies:

Choose Your Battles. Nothing can embroil you faster in office politics than raising red flags and reporting on obstacles at every turn. By always being the whistle- blower, you put yourself toe-to-toe with whatever person or department is on the other end of the situation. Even if your observation is correct, will your problems really be solved by being the one to put someone else in the hot seat? No matter what your level, companies want people who can solve problems for them, not just point them out. This is why going into battle mode can often backfire.

Before you go on the offensive, take a step back and think about whether you are the right person to address this issue. Perhaps the situation is one that that your boss would be more appropriate to handle, or a colleague in different department. Perhaps a team approach would work better if you are aware that others agree with your perception of the problem. If you can find a way to put some distance between yourself and the issue, or to share responsibility by reporting on it with a group, then you've found a way to stay off of the front lines alone should the politics involved in resolution get ugly. And most importantly, you've saved your right to raise issues for the ones that matter most to you.

See Politics as Part of Your Job. One of the frustrations that I've seen many people encounter over my years of life coaching is that they feel like they shouldn't have to deal with office politics. They feel like they have to waste a lot of time navigating political situations instead of getting to spend that time on their "real job". But guess what? Handling politics carefully is part of your job. That's one reason why managers get paid more as they move up the ranks -they are being paid to cut through the politics of their position, because the political stakes intensify the further up the ladder you climb.

So today when you go to work, as you confront various situations that seem to fall outside of the realm of your stated job description, remind yourself that this, too, is why you get paid the big bucks. There is little of greater importance or visibility than skillfully navigating your work relationships.

Seek Help When Needed. There are times when, despite your best judgment and intentions, a political situation at work becomes unmanageable. Only you can decide what "unmanageable" means to you. If you feel like you've gotten in over your head, it may be time to call for reinforcements. If a supervisor can't help you, perhaps human resources can - or if you've exhausted all internal options, you may want to talk to a lawyer. These resources exist for employees because politics can be tough. But with the right strategies in place, you can beat them.

What Are You An Expert In?

It is important to be known for something at the office.

Something that differentiates you. Something that makes you stand out. Something that no one else can do except you.

Why?

Because we all love mavens. They are the go-to people. They are the ones most remembered and the ones considered the biggest assets in any work environment. They are passionate about their area of expertise and their genuine enthusiasm is magnetic. 

But you can only be known for something if you put it out there in the world. 

Merchandise your expertise. Use a special project to illustrate it. If you demonstrate your mastery of something, you will likely shine. 

If you don’t know what you are an expert in…do some exploratory work. See what you gravitate towards the most. Is your expertise in a certain content area? Are you more knowledgeable than others on a certain process? Are you more strategic in a certain category? Once you land on your expert area, begin to really focus your extra time there.

Read books. Take a workshop. Talk to other experts and learn from them. 

Life-long learning and practice are the keys to being an expert in anything. Once you have an expertise in something, go forth and show it to the world. Once the word is out, the sky’s the limit.

The Importance of Getting In People's Faces

Challenge: Try to spend more time today moving your projects forward in-person instead of via technology. Observe what happens and report back.

While cell phones, email, texting and instant messenger have made communication easier and instantaneous, we all know deep down that it can’t substitute for face-to-face encounters, especially in the workplace.

All too frequently, I hear complaints about how projects or work relationships go awry because of a miscommunication/misinterpretation via email or voicemail. We’ve all been sitting at our desks reading an email in complete disbelief because of someone’s inappropriate tone/ expectations/idiocy only to find later that we misread their intention.

If a project is complex or important, increase the amount of face-to-face interaction you engage in. The benefits will make themselves apparent almost immediately.

So get out of your office today and start getting in people’s faces.

Sharing Yourself at Work

Over the years, I’ve worked with thousands of people. One of the key observations I’ve made is that people who share their “outside” lives with people inside the walls of work are more likely to have success.

This might feel like heresy to some of you. In many organizations, an almost Stepford-like formality rules the office and employees tend to play “roles” in which little is shared about one’s family or weekend. This blog is less relevant if you work in that type of environment.

In my experience - and those of my clients-”not sharing” your authentic self at work has negative consequences. These reserved employees are often overlooked for promotions, not invited to the boss’s house or asked to after work drinks. Not usually a desired outcome for the ambitious.

Connecting with your employees, co-workers and bosses with appropriate information about your life makes you human, magnetic and part of the conversation. These are qualities that any manager would consider-either consciously or unconsciously-when deciding who gets what projects, raises and promotions.

If you don’t feel comfortable talking about your kid’s birthday party or weekend trip to the cabin, keep things lighter. Talk about the movie you saw or an anecdote that happened last night. If you don’t, remember that keeping things “just business”will likely mean that you will stay “just where you are.”

Of course, anyone can take sharing too far. Over-sharing about your personal life can have as negative an impact as sharing nothing at all. Keep some intimate details to yourself as well as your views on religion, abortion, bedroom activities and such.

Go forth and share yourself.

Summer: A Time to Stand Out At Work

We all look forward to summer. It is a time to take it easy at work. It is the time of early Fridays and weekend excursions to the beach or the country. Hey, we all need a break but why choose summer?

Sure, the weather is great but this is also a time when people aren’t working as hard as they normally do.

Want a leg up? Choose the summer to be a time to stand out at work. While everyone else is fading into the background, use this quiet time at the office to get ahead.

Here is a list of some things you can do this summer to really make an impression:

-Use the relaxed atmosphere to drum up conversations with your superiors and fellow co- workers. When people are more relaxed they are more approachable and open to suggestions.

-Try not to take vacation during this time. I am not saying don’t enjoy yourself but be the constant star in the office so when that special project comes down the pike you will be there ready and able to take it on.

-People leave jobs, get fired or companies expand 12 months of the year. Don’t believe the myth that there are no jobs available or that no one gets promoted during the summer. Because so many people are taking a break from career development, your chances of getting called in for that interview and getting that dream job are much greater.

The key thing to remember about summer is that there is less competition. Take advantage of this knowledge and really turn up the heat this summer.

Finding What Motivates You

While we all want to be perceived as the “busy bee” at the office, it is important that you know why you are working so hard.

There is no doubt that we all want our bosses to know that we are industrious employees who go above and beyond the call of duty. We want to stand out and possibly put ourselves in line for that promotion. But is that what you really want?

It is imperative to know why you are working so hard. Without a strong sense of purpose behind your actions, the fruits of your labor could leave you feeling empty. You may never feel satisfied. You may never feel successful.

Too often, we do things, especially in our careers, because we believe it is what is expected of us rather than what we really want to do.

Here are some questions to ask yourself to help you gauge what is motivating you to action:

-Am I doing this because I want to?

-Am I in a career that I am passionate about?

-Do I get a sense of fulfillment from my work?

-Am I working hard or working smart?

-Do I have a clear vision of what I want my career to be?

-What do I think will happen if I get to that next level in my career?

-Will it be worth all the effort in the long run?

While these questions are only a starting point, it is wise to understand why you are working so hard. The clearer you are about what you are doing and why you’re doing it, the happier you will be.

Make sure that you are working hard in the right place and for the right reasons.

Setting Boundaries at Work Part 3: How to Say No

Many people experience a great deal of fear when they need to say no to a project. Therefore, they say yes instead because it is the path of least resistance in the moment.

As discussed in our previous blog, even when you know the best thing for you is to say no, the act itself can be arduous for even the most assertive of individuals. It is in these awkward situations that fear takes over. But the line must be drawn.

Here are some things to keep in mind that can make saying no a gentler, more positive experience:

-Know that it’s okay to say no. Give yourself that permission.

-You don’t have to go into detail about why you are saying no. You can simply state that you regret that you will be unable to help on this particular project.

-Offer an alternative. Suggest other ways your coworker can get help or other resources he/she may not have considered.

-If someone doesn’t accept your decline, consider getting your boss involved. Everyone’s plate gets overfilled sometimes and we all need a little help clearing things off.

It may be very uncomfortable to say no at first, especially if you’ve always said yes and are a self-proclaimed doormat. But fear not; the discomfort will pass.

The most important thing to remember is that boundaries are there to protect you and no one is going to enforce them except you.

Have the courage to say no when you need to say no.

Setting Boundaries at Work Part 2: When to Say No

As outlined in our last blog, there are situations in which saying no can provide great benefits to you and your career. But how do you know when it is appropriate?

If you are spending too much of your day working on “extra” projects that fall outside of your primary reason for collecting a paycheck, it’s time to start saying no.

If you are crushed under the weight of too many projects and can’t seem to do any of them well, it’s time to start saying no.

Here are some other signals that it might be time to draw a boundary:

-The quality of your work is suffering.

-The joy you experience at work is plummeting.

-You feel overwhelmed and stressed by the new work you are graciously taking on.

-You say “yes” out of fear of being blacklisted or deemed a “poor employee.”

-You feel resentment when you agree to something. This is prime breeding ground for a toxic
work environment.

-You feel that you are being taken advantage of in some way.

Remember that there are benefits to the company if you say no. They prefer an employee who is relaxed, balanced and creative instead of one that is stressed, unhappy and spread too thin.

So how do you draw a line in the sand?

Next week’s blog will discuss several techniques for effectively and confidently saying “no.”

In the meantime, start to identify the people and projects you currently have that you potentially could have said no to. It’s good practice for the future.

Setting Boundaries at Work Part 1: The Benefits of Saying No

Many of us want to be the office superhero helping everyone and taking on all those special projects. It makes us look good and feel like we are indispensable. However, there are times when saying no will benefit you more than saying yes.

But isn’t it always better to say yes?

Not necessarily. If the scale gets out of balance, you will suffer from your “yes” man/woman mentality far more than you will prosper.

While there are many positive aspects of going above and beyond, there is a fine line between being a team player and being a doormat. And who wants that reputation?

So what are the benefits of saying no?

-It will reduce the stress in your day.

-It will leave space for new opportunities you may have missed out on by being so “busy” with the extra work you’ve taken on.

-You will take back your power by not compulsively agreeing to do what you can’t or feel you “have to” do out of fear.

-Others will respect you more for speaking your truth and sticking up for yourself. Granted, the office leech may be a little upset with you, but who cares?

A key component to standing out at work is demonstrating your ability to do more than your current job dictates…but moderation is key.

Next week, we will look at reasons why setting boundaries is absolutely imperative for you and your career.

For now, remember that “no” is as viable an option as “yes.”

Now Is Better Than Yesterday or Tomorrow

We expend so much time and energy reflecting on the past or worrying about future outcomes. But while hindsight and foresight serve us in many ways, they can become a hindrance to our growth and lead to perpetual inaction.

Whenever you feel yourself in the malaise of the past/future vortex, here are a few things to keep in mind:

-We will never be happy or content if we are living in the past or the future and we will likely make poor decisions as a result. The best thing we can do is make the best decision based on the knowledge we have today.

-If you find yourself continually saying “I’ll do it tomorrow”, then this is a sure warning sign that you are not living in the present. Sure, some things honestly can’t be done today, but how often is that really true? The power is in the now so do what you can now.

-What we dream up in our heads is almost always more grandiose or horrible than it will actually turn out...so curb your extreme expectations and accept what actually exists today.

-There is no way we can possibly know what is going to happen and there is nothing we can do to change the past. Worrying about either is a waste of time. By focusing our energy on what we do have the power to control, the past will fall away and the future will effortlessly unfold in front of us like magic.

The past and future only have as much power over our lives as we grant them. So relax and be here…now.

Are You Addicted to Technology? The Benefits of Unplugging

While technology certainly makes communication easier and information more accessible, there are many benefits to unplugging from the grid throughout your day.

Time Savings

Do you have to check your Crackberry every time you see that red light blink? If you do, then it is a big time suck to your day. You save more time if you check your email at allotted times throughout the day. As suggested in The 4-Hour Work Week, you can even put an autoresponder on your email stating your check-in times and alerting others to your new policy.

Facetime

Nothing is more annoying or rude than being in the company of someone incessantly distracted by technology. Put your phone on silent and check it when there is a break. You will enjoy your friends more and they will be happy to have you “back”. Also, while we can text and email our friends and loved ones, nothing is more fulfilling than facetime and shared experiences with them.

Feeling Good and Connection

Studies have shown that people who watch a lot of television tend to be more depressed than people who watch a moderate amount or none at all. The same is true for technology. Go out for a walk without your phone or iPod and reconnect with Earth.  You will feel much better than sitting by yourself with your mobile device. But what if something happens? Don’t worry. We survived just fine without cell phones before and we will now. You can always reach out and ask for help if you need it. What could be more human?

Remember, a Blackberry won’t bring you soup when you are sick. Let the light blink and reconnect with life.

How Neuro Linguistic Programming Can Be Applied In Your Life

Attitude has a major impact on actions. The theory of neuro linguistic programming is based on the idea that what you say and think will have an effect on how you feel and act. Simple and yet profound when used effectively, this theory could transform your personal life, as well as your professional career. It all starts with focus and guidance.

Therapeutic or Influential?

NLP (neuro linguistic programming) was developed in the 1970’s and gained popular use in therapy. Today, this approach has found more widespread use in business, including management training, in team building and to increase sales.

Those entering the corporate world and others who have hit a plateau in their careers would do well to harness the power of NLP. It needs to be applied first in a personal way to help you gain the confidence necessary to reach your goals. But from that point on, you can learn how to apply NLP theories with your co-workers and clients to manage and influence the actions and attitudes of those around you.

NLP Is the Core of Coaching

Coaches in every sport and in any discipline use the NLP approach naturally. By talking about the actions and patterns that produce a desired goal, as well as encouraging the victorious results, coaches are in effect applying NLP principles. Have you ever considered coaching yourself? Or approaching a challenge with another person as a coach instead of an adversary? With the power and knowledge of NLP in your arsenal you may be surprised at the success and impact of this
approach.

NLP is used extensively in the life coaching and corporate training industries, mainly because of the straightforward ideas and successful results. If the words we use impact our attitude, and our attitude has a major impact on actions, the power of words may indeed be more than we give it credit for.

Are You Measuring Success Appropriately?

So many of us gauge whether or not we are successful by measuring how close we are to having what we want. If we have it, then we are successful.

However, this rubric, while somewhat valid, is flawed. It tells us that we are what we achieve so when we don’t reach our goals, it means we are a failure…that we don’t matter in the world. That’s a lot of pressure to put on oneself and it doesn’t make accomplishing goals any fun at all.

This does not mean that ambition is a bad thing. It is a great thing. We just need a more appropriate measure for success than whether or not we grab that brass ring.  

As outlined in The Go-Giver by Bob Burg and John David Mann, the most materially successful people in the world are the biggest givers and it is because of this generosity that they are successful. To these super-achievers, success is not measured by their accomplishments but by how much and how well they serve others.

Based on this principle, try this experiment out:

Be of service to as many people as you can today. Even if it has nothing to do with your career. It could be as simple as helping a woman carry her baby’s stroller down the stairs, bringing coffee to the doorman or being a sympathetic ear to someone.

No amount of power or wealth can compare to helping another person. If you use that as your litmus test for success, then the sky’s the limit! Plus, achieving your goals will be a lot easier and more fun because they no longer determine your worth.

Now get out there and give!

What Role Does Brain Research Have On Your Life?

Every piece of information, every experience and every event in your life is filtered and computed through your brain. Besides being the most important organ in your body, the brain is also possibly the most mysterious element of our bodies.

These conditions create an arena that is ripe for research and a climate that is filled with heated debate. How does your brain affect who you are? And how can you properly harness the patterns and conditions of your brain to take better control of your life?

Pushing Through the Fog

Much of the available scientific research on the brain is presented in confusing ways that make it difficult for even well educated people to understand. But that doesn't negate the importance of the information. By learning how to interpret the data and apply these principles, professionals in today's world can make serious strides in their careers and life paths. The information is there - you only need to grab hold of it.

Brain research helps to explain why we react the way we do. It can help us to harness efficient methods of learning that will push us further ahead of the crowd and onto bigger, better things. The research that is being done can also uncover obstacles and barriers that may have been serious sources of frustration and doubt.

Like a lantern to light your path, when used correctly, brain research can be used to illuminate the way to a brighter future.

Do You Need Positive Psychology?

A blossoming school of thought in many centers of intelligence, positive psychology is not revolutionary in itself. But with the proper understanding and application this approach to life can certainly trigger a revolution in your life.

What Is Positive Psychology?

Basically, positive psychology is about researching, identifying and nurturing the good and happy elements of life. Not simply focusing on the silver lining or seeing the glass half full, this is truly a scientific study that can help you identify the positive choices available to you. Tired of focusing on what you’ve done wrong or needing to plant blame somewhere? Positive psychology will target your thoughts and energies on finding fulfillment, discovering your genius and celebrating the goodness that is currently in your life.

At its core, this branch of psychology is meant to complement more traditional forms of direction and therapy. And in the hands of a skilled professional, working through the steps involved can be incredibly enlightening – even life changing.

Do You Need It To Be Fulfilled?

It’s not so much about necessity, but more about chemistry. Positive psychology is widely accepted and practiced by experts in many different fields. It has worked on a grand scale for people in a myriad of lifestyles. This personal, proven and successful psychology could be the trigger needed for you to find fulfillment. It could also be the fuel behind a drive to move further in your relationships or career.

Positive psychology can do many things for many people. Unleash the power of it with the help of a professional life coach and you may be surprised at the level of genius and fulfillment currently simmering in your life.

Time Management Versus Mastering Time

There are many different schools of thought regarding time management. Maybe you've heard of the 80-20 rule, which helps you realize that only a minority of your efforts (20 percent) result in a majority of consequences and conditions in your life (80 percent). Or it could be that you've been told organization is the key to getting the job done. You don't need to prioritize as much as regulate and tidy up the tasks that you do. Or is delegation the active ingredient?

The ideas are out there, the question is whether they will work for you and for how long.

But is that truly the question?

Are we focusing too much on managing the time that we have instead of learning how to effectively master it? All of us are given a certain amount of time. (If anyone knows how to squeeze more than 24 hours out of a day, please call me.) The key is learning how to get hold of that time and use it, instead of allowing yourself to be used by it.

Does your schedule motivate you or do you have it well in hand? Are you constantly watching the clock with trepidation or will you know just what the day holds while maintaining enough flexibility to be genuine? Mastering time is about inner motivations and determination, but it's also about taking the veil off of preconceived notions and understanding yourself. It's about being realistic as well as driven.

And above all, mastering time is about having it work for you, instead of just being under your management.

Are You a Born Leader or Can Leadership Be Bred?

You are what you make of yourself, obviously. No one is going to do that for you. But with all of the ripe opportunities out there, how can you effectively focus on what to make of yourself? Do you have the skills it takes to make up a leader? Or are you game to see how leadership can be efficiently and methodically bred into a person, allowing them to can take control of their life?

Leaders Are More Than the Boss

Think about leadership for a moment. Who do you see? Is it your boss, a parent, that outgoing kid from your undergrad business class? Stop picturing a person and look for the qualities that create a good leader. Those can be discovered, learned and honed in your life. And not just so you can nab that promotion or expand your business, but so you can be at the forefront of your own life leading yourself to even greater heights.

Is It All a Bunch of…?

Real people make a real success of themselves. It happens every day, multiple times a day. And in most cases it has very little to do with circumstances and mainly to do with that person’s ability to lead.

The essential qualities that make up leadership – like a keen perception, the ability to organize and a drive to move forward, just to name a few – can be taught. It’s all a matter of willingness and a good teacher, which are likely easier to land than you think.

Sure, there are those who seem born to lead (General Patton had generations of military leaders mixed into his DNA cocktail) but that is the exception, not the rule. The methodology and science of leadership are out there for the taking - you only need to recognize the opportunity.

Choose To Be A Master Of Choice

One of my early mentors taught me the valuable lesson that "every moment is a new opportunity to choose."

This is an incredibly valuable insight when we are feeling trapped by circumstance or faced with amazing competing opportunities.

Remembering that we always have a choice is the precursor to experiencing true freedom. You can choose to exit a relationship right now. You can choose to switch careers and make less money right now. You can choose to take a year off right now.

Certainly, every decision we make comes with consequences. However, we have a proclivity as humans to overestimate negative outcomes and underestimate positive ones.

If is it helpful, remember that there really are no mistakes in life. Since there are no crystal balls to look into, we can only make decisions in the present moment given the information we have and take action. No doubt that sometimes we look back and realize that we would have made a different choice with hindsight.

But that is how life works. Isn't it awesome?

If you want a life filled with oodles of amazing experiences, emotions, people and things, the following 5 choice-making steps will serve you well: Evaluate, act, assess, refine and embrace.

I'm not suggesting that anyone act hastily. But I'm also conscious of avoiding decision paralysis.

Take responsibility for your choices. Make them and embrace them.

Choose to be a master of choice and watch your world and happiness expand.

The 12 Ifs Everyone Must Know About Life

As a Life Coach, I help people deal with the “ifs,” “ands” and “buts” of life. They are opportunity (ifs), possibility (ands) and uncertainty (buts.) I’ve developed a list of “if” statements over the years to help make life—surprisingly—a little less “iffy.” Here are 12 to get you started in the New Year.

1. If you think of your body as a device your controlling energy – generating, storing and expending it – you can do truly amazing things with your physical self.

2. If you practice acceptance, responsibility and defenselessness, your life will unfold effortlessly.

3. If you replace your wishbone with your backbone, you will expand beyond measure. Dreaming is critical, but bravery and action are vital.

4. If you move through discomfort, your life will catapult forward. Trust that what’s on the other side is better. Be comfortable with being uncomfortable.

5. If you don’t make a choice, you’re making a choice. People who are unconscious making choices live at the effect of their lives. People who are conscious live at the cause of their lives. Create your life by making choices.

6. If you listen to your intuition – when you know something without knowing how you know it – you will deepen your fulfillment. Practice listening for and to it.

7. If you are trying to become different or better, you’re on the wrong track. Instead, focus on becoming more of who you already are.

8. If you give great gifts, you get great gifts. The best gifts to give are care, attention, affection, appreciation and love.

9. If you are seeking joy, love, laughter, peace, harmony and knowledge, then you are one in a million.

10. If you take full responsibility for what you are going to do next, you will live a life of true freedom.

11. If you witness your thinking, through journaling or meditation, acknowledge when it’s off course and press reset, you can eliminate most mental ailments.

12. If winners surround you, you’re more likely to be a winner yourself. Social contagion theory proves this to be true. If you’re friends are lazy, your propensity to be the same is infinitely higher. Be with people who make you your best.

If you follow these tenets, it’s not “if” your life will improve, it’s simply “when.”

Make 2011 Your Best Year Yet With Tips From Mark Strong Coaching

As a life coach, it’s not surprising that January is my busiest month. It’s a time of new beginnings and as people begin to fail at their New Year’s resolutions, my phone rings off the hook.

When I’m working with these new clients, I am asked many of the same questions by individuals who want to explore and expand their lives. In the spirit of giving you a head start, here are some strategies I take them through to help them address a few of the big issues.

What Is The Purpose Of My Life?

Here are 5 steps that are a surefire way to start finding out:

    * Scour culture for 20 people you admire because of who they are or what they do.
    * Tape their pictures on your bedroom wall and contemplate them every morning and night.
    * Email 20 of your friends and ask them what they think your purpose is.
    * Study pictures of yourself from birth to the pictures still in your camera and identify themes. Are you leading? Are you helping? Are you joking? Are you creating? You get the idea.
    * Write a life purpose statement over and over until it ignites passion every time you read it. Mine is: The purpose of my life is to simplify and amplify lives and have a blast doing it.
    * Print out your final Life Purpose statement and hang it everywhere.
    * Make decisions based on this statement and soon…you will be living your purpose.

Where Is The Love of My Life?

This is the most frequent question I get from clients. I always make sure that a client’s internal house is in order before sending them out into the dating marketplace. But once you’re clean, clear and confident on the inside, pretty much everyone becomes a man/chick magnet. Here are some tricks of the trade in getting you relationship ready:

    * List the feelings you want to experience inside a relationship – love, trust, passion, etc.
    * Throw away the list of requirements you have secretly stored in your brain or iPhone – physical, financial or behavioral. 90% of my clients say, “I would never have picked him/her because he/she didn’t fit my criteria, but he’s/she’s definitely the one.”
    * Always Be Looking – He/She may be online, but he’s/she’s more likely in class, at the DMV or the post office.
    * Create a vision board that represents the relationship you want – NOT the man/woman you want. Imagine yourself in that relationship every day as you look at the board.
    * Let go of the “when” and the “how.” Your job is to be clear on the type of relationship you want and to put yourself in the path of as many quality men/women as you can. Your smiling face and the universe will do the rest.

How Can I Actually Reach My Goals?

There’s a simple model that works very well when setting reachable goals called the S.M.A.R.T. method. When creating goals, make sure each of them is:

Specific
Be precise about what you want to achieve, e.g., make $10,000 more this year or have mind-blowing sex 3 times per week.

Measurable
You can’t empirically measure the goals “Be happier” or “Worry less.” But you can measure, “Increase my happiness level from 5 to 9 in 3 months by tracking my happiness level in a daily journal.”

Actionable
Many clients want other people or an external factor to be different. You can only change your behavior. So create goals that reflect what only you can do.

Reasonable
You will not have 6-pack abs in 6 weeks or double your salary in 3 months. Overzealous goals are disheartening. Dream big but work small.

Time-Oriented
Every goal (and the individual steps to get there) should be plotted on a calendar. Don’t aspire to “Go to the gym.” Instead, block off time in your calendar to “Go to the gym at 7:30 a.m. Wednesday to do 30 minutes of glutes so I look great naked.”

Regardless of the change you want to make in your life, remember that it takes time, commitment and sometimes a little help to make it all a reality. Have a great New Year!

New Year's Resolutions

Who Will You Be - Not Just What Will You Do - In 2011?

Ryan Seacrest, Andy Cohen and Anderson Cooper asked nearly every single one of their New Year's Eve guests what their resolutions were for 2011. Many of the guests simply said, "I don't do resolutions." It was evident they had experience - like many of us - that resolutions don't often work...so they've learned not to say them aloud. Many other guests claimed the old standbys of swearing less, exercising more and eating better.

One female guest on Bravo though was the hero of the night for me. She said to Andy Cohen, "I'm going to be oodles nicer to everyone in my life."

I nearly high-fived the television!

In my experience as a coach, resolutions are far more powerful and executable when they are about who you're going to "be" in the world and not just what you're going to "do" in it.

It's terrific if you want to lose weight this year. But why?

Is it because you want to "be" healthier or "be" a better example to your children? Are you going to exercise 3 times a week or "be" in the best shape you can? Will you work less or will you "be" a more balanced person?

For some it may seem like this is a matter of semantics. But language does matter. Don't forget that we are human "beings" not human "doings."

This year...if you're making resolutions...consider stating them in terms of who you will be. This is an exercise about how you will show up in the world.

Make a resolution to really "be" something in 2011.

Mistakes We Make In Setting Goals

The 3 biggest mistakes we make in working toward our goals are what I call Sparkling, Hiding and Misguided Adventures.

Sparkling is my term for when people bite off more than they can chew or go to extremes at the very beginning of the process (just like a sparkler does - burns bright at the beginning but then fizzles fast.) These are people who decide that they're going to do a juice fast for 30 days and have no plan in place to support them. In these instances, I coach clients to create specific plans geared around baby steps that are achievable and most importantly, that have little rewards built into them when they hit certain goals.

Hiding is when clients set goals and then don't tell anyone. I have clients who decide that they're going to quit smoking but won't tell anyone else for fear they will look less than perfect if they fail. I coach clients to share their goals with their loved ones (and their coach!), to get them to participate and support them in what they want to achieve. Doing so always leads to better results.

Misguided Adventures are goals that clients really don't want to achieve. For example, a client told me that he wants to be a doctor. Upon further investigation, we discovered that in fact this was not really his own goal - but in fact a goal that his father has. I coach clients to identify personal goals that are their own and that ignite passion when they think about attaining them and to release the goals that others have for us.

Combat Sparkling with Balance. Avoid Hiding through Transparency. Evade Misguided Adventures through Clarity. Doing so will have you quickly on your way to achieving your goals.